Forgiveness

07/13/23

Hello readers,

Today, I'd want to discuss one of the most difficult human behaviors: forgiving. When someone close to you causes you pain, you have a choice: hold onto your bitterness and rage or accept forgiveness and move on.

Who hasn't been harmed by someone else's behaviors or words? Maybe your parents beat you up a lot, or your partner cheated. Or perhaps you've gone through a terrible event, such being physically or psychologically assaulted by a family member. Resentment, bitterness, rage, and sometimes even hatred are long-lasting emotions that these wounds can leave behind. But if you cling to that suffering, you can end yourself paying the price. You can embrace peace and hope by accepting forgiveness.

To each of us, forgiveness means something different. However, in general, it involves making a conscious choice to let go of bitterness and hatred. You might never get over the person or thing that hurt or insulted you. However, you can loosen your grip on that act by practicing forgiveness. It may assist in releasing you from the control of the abuser. In some cases, forgiving someone might even create feelings of comprehension, empathy, and compassion for the person who injured you.

To forgive is not to forget or to justify the wrongs done to you. It also doesn't necessarily involve making amends with the abuser. You may focus on yourself and go on with your life after you are forgiven. Forgiveness also offers a certain peace of mind. Perhaps the most important step in healing and going forward is forgiving someone who has hurt us or forgiving ourselves when we've messed up.

My therapist and I have been discussing how I might practice and use forgiveness as a learned skill. In order to move on with self-healing by:

• Not holding any grudges- Holding a grudge might end up harming you just as much as the person who generated it, regardless of your motivations or the source of your animosity. While it's possible for any of us to carry around the occasional grudge, some people might be more likely to hold anger or resentment than others. Holding grudges and placing blame may occasionally be a method of self-defense. In a similar line, some people might be more aware of the fact that they are creating resentment than others, who might not be aware of the part they play in maintaining their anger. Long-lasting resentment can develop from a range of problems, both big and small. In the end, it's crucial to deal with angry feelings, and it's usually unhealthy for everyone involved to hang onto them. Instead, try to sort through challenging situations and emotions while, if necessary, allowing yourself some time to grieve, be angry, or wallow. Instead, try to fix the problem, get past it, and move on.

• Recognizing that forgiving someone does not mean allowing them access to you again- Recognize that sometimes forgiving someone doesn't mean giving them access to you once more. We may move too quickly to forgiveness and offer forgiveness before we are ready when people put us in difficult situations. Especially when they are people, we were close to and had a good friendship or connection with. This is because we want to recover that connection. Even while we seek to repair the connection and extend forgiveness, we may not be fully committed to it. You have the impression that a part of you is still upset, and we still have some emotions to process. This might not actually be genuine forgiveness. Allow the relationship to develop at a natural pace rather than rushing to get it back to where it was.

• Being accountable to yourself- When you hold yourself responsible, you accept responsibility for the outcomes of your decisions and actions. Sometimes it's quite simple to make a decision. It is considerably more difficult to stick with that choice and follow through. Even though they definitely weren't all the best choices for me, I held myself accountable for every decision. If anything goes wrong, take responsibility for it without blaming or excusing others, and try to make apologies. Be sincere with yourself and others so that you can accept responsibility for your mistakes, express regret, and move on.

I hope to be able to forgive both myself and others who have wronged me in the future. I can become free to love more deeply and openly if I let go of my bitterness and replace it with love, and then I can do this with countless other individuals. This kind of change has the potential to leave a legacy of love that continues long after I am gone.