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How to Say I'm Sorry


a yellow post-it note with black text saying I'm Sorry.

Ever hear the saying, "Love means never having to say you're sorry"? It's a great sentiment, but it's not entirely accurate.

You and your partner will unavoidably make mistakes and poor judgments in a committed, loving relationship to one another. You'll need to apologize after you do so.

Even more crucially, you must act in a way that demonstrates your sincerity to your partner in addition to expressing it verbally.


These four strategies can help you apologize more effectively when it counts:


1. Accept accountability.

An authentic apology starts with a recognition of what went wrong. You are apologizing because you recognize that you committed a mistake that hurt your partner; refrain from providing justifications or excuses. By using "I" sentences, you can show that you are taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to shift the blame for the circumstance.


2. Recognize the impact you had on them.

Your partner probably feels alone and misunderstood after you've hurt them. When you apologize, be sure to respect your partner's sentiments by taking the time to comprehend their rage, hurt, or disappointment. Sayings like "I'm sorry if you're mad at me" or "I'm sorry, but you made me angry too" should be avoided. Instead, use expressions that emphasize how your actions have affected your partner, such as "I realize I hurt you by...."


3. You shouldn't anticipate forgiveness.

You went out of your way to apologize sincerely. You've admitted that you wronged your partner, and you're determined to do better moving forward. Your partner can still be angry with you or tell you they don't forgive you. That's alright. You must exercise patience and give them time to process your apologies at their own pace. You might be angry with yourself for being open to criticism by making an apology, but a sincere apology must be offered without hoping for forgiveness right away. Avoid pressuring your partner to claim they forgive you and refrain from acting out of frustration or rage because doing so will just lead to further hurt.


4. Don't just tell; demonstrate.

Apologies with a clear transformation strategy are the most effective. This could be something simple, like deciding to discuss any important purchases as a couple, or it could be a more significant long-term commitment to reestablishing trust in your relationship. When emotions are high, you don't need to go into great depth, but it's vital that you follow through and let your partner know that you're committed to real change that will strengthen your bond.


*Although improving at apologizing is a difficult talent to master, it is essential for a strong and lasting relationship.


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